If there was one highlight of Bethesda’s E3 conference, it was definitely Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus, a game set in a world where Nazis won World War II and proceed to reign over humanity. It’s sort of like Man in the High Castle, except with robots and zombies and robot zombies. The trailer is wild, weird, gory and overall rad as hell. But it turns out, not everyone is pleased that you play as the one leading the resistance.
Modern-day Nazis, who believe themselves to be of superior genetic stock and deserve to dominate the human race, are pissing their pants over a video game. Throughout YouTube, 4chan and Twitter, these whiny dickheads are complaining that a Wolfenstein game is about murdering the people who committed some of the worst atrocities in recent memory. When I say that they’re pissing their pants, I mean this literally. I can prove that these taintsmears are currently sitting in their own soppy diapers, beyond a shadow of a doubt.
See, Wolfenstein games date back decades. The New Colossus is the sequel to Wolfenstein: The New Order, a game where you shoot Nazis, and that game was a reboot of a classic first-person shooter series where you shoot Nazis. The groundbreaking Wolfenstein 3-D itself was an update of Castle Wolfenstein, released way back in 1981, and one of the main features of that game was — you guessed it — killing Nazis. So for 35 years, Wolfenstein games have been all about murdering the scum of the Earth. Anyone who is suddenly upset about a new game in the series doing the exact same thing that it has done for a third of a century must actually be a tiny baby who still pees their pants.
But as we all know, being able to read and write at a first grade level isn’t required for posting whiny comments on the internet. Which is why there are posts like these all over social media right now:
Some of these are probably trolls — it’s tough to take anything that “ILikeBigBoobies69” says at face value. But the comments are so widespread and in many cases so very nasty (I left out the ones with all the slurs, so like 95%) that it’s clear that a ton of these comments are from genuine Nazi assholes.
Thankfully, the internet at large is fed the fuck up with this particular brand of fascist bullshit. For every one pathetic shriveled turd of a comment lamenting violence against Nazis, 10 more are roasting those miserable shitbirds. Even 4chan isn’t standing for this reprehensible, cowardly garbage.
Honestly if the gamer Nazis didn’t know that the new wolfenstein was likely to feature Nazis as enemies, they are fake gamer boys
— Labour voter liker (@WaldorfSixpence) June 12, 2017
If you find any more pissboys who deserve a spot on the wall of shame, let me know here or on Twitter and I can pencil them in. I’ll also be on the lookout for Nazi pissboys in the comments in and around this very article. Trust me, they’re too stupid to read this far.